I wrote this diary of events over 1-1/2 years ago and just went back to it today. Back in 2013, we decided not to make this all public and then it happened again and I didn’t write a dialogue. But we are on what I like to think is “Third Times a Charm”. I decided I should share as it was a time in our lives that was major so I should share the dream, the hope, the blessing.
So jumping back in time….this was our past and so much goodness has happened since then!
Sept 25 . 2013
I had been feeling a bit heavy the past 2 weeks but I simply was blaming it on traveling and the constant restaurant food that I had been eating. My pants were tight, shirts were a bit snug, so I was thinking I needed to get back on track to working out and eating better.
Little did I know….it was more than just a few extra pounds from food.
It was a day our lives changed forever.
A simple test showed positive. I wasn’t quite sure how to react….joyful and happy or waiting calmly to find out if the results were indeed accurate. So I took the 2nd approach and remained calm but my mind kept wandering back to the test. I showed the test to Gardner when he came in the door and he laughed. In a worried, scarcastic tone…he asked “what I had done to the test to make it show positive….”. Well….little did he know a person can’t manipulate the test. So he carried on with the usual evening routine.
Could it be? If so, it was a dream come true. Anyone that knows me well, knows I absolutely adore kids…kids at every age. Being an avid babysitter growing up, a nanny during summers of college, and a proud aunt for 13 years, while watching many friends have 1, 2, 3…..kids or more. I have always had that wish that that would be me one day holding my own baby. The proud mom waking up everyday to see a sweet child, rocking them asleep at night, taking care of them when they are sick, running outside with them playing ball, fun trips to the ice cream shop, and all the many activities that come with growing up as a child. I know there is a lot of responsibility to come with parenthood and you know….I AM READY. And I will speak for Gardner….WE ARE READY.
Gardner and I talked and joked about being the old parents. We may be the age of other kids grandparents when our child goes to school. Not entirely funny as it would be true. But hey….we are older and wiser and ready to take on this next chapter!
But you just can’t plan the road ahead in the timeframe wanted. I would say “its better late than never”…which probably could be my life story! It took me awhile to figure out my major in college, dated many years before meeting my husband, we finally found a city we love together, and I have the job of my dreams! I would say the timing couldn’t be better so I will continue saying prayers throughout the day as God leads us through the days, weeks, and months ahead.
Sept 26 . 2013
I woke up anxiously to try other simple test which showed postive.
I phoned my doctor only to be told I needed to wait until 10 weeks, which put me to a late October appointment. Oh wow….another day with my mind racing….continually saying prayers and thinking happy thoughts.
However it was exciting to hear the lady on the phone say, Congrats after booking my prenatal appointment!
Sept 27 . 2013
Another more advanced test read pregnant. Now 3 tests all showed positive so this could indeed be real if everything progressed positively. PRAYERS…PRAYERS…PRAYERS
Throughout the past 3 days, I made some instant changes in my life.
Cut the caffeine…those 2 cups of coffee and trips to Starbucks for a Latte are sadly missed.
Cut the wine….my evenings and dinners out sure are different. I try not to look at the wine menu, glance at the other wine glasses and just focus on my beautiful, crystal clear sparkling water with a lime! The bubbles sure are fabulous!
No more dinners out for sushi…which was my favorite meal out.
Should I eat this? Can I eat that? I am on my internet searching foods all the time. The hard challenge is the cheese…who knew?
No more skipping meals to save calories which was easy to do with my on the go job. Breakfast is a must and snacks are so important.
Lots and Lots of water….this is actually new as I would go through several days without much water. I think my diet went from coffee, a little water, on to wine. And it will not be that way for awhile!
I am taking extra precautions in hopes of being healthy and getting the healthy things to the little one starting to form and grow.
Now the waiting continues…….And the vow to secrecy is so very tough.
Each day I try to get as much exercise as possible. No more excuses of drinking wine on the sofa. So for now I am enjoying the beautiful fall weather that has finally arrived in Dallas.
Can I run at a moderate pace like normal? No….how fast things have shifted. I run until I get tired and then I have come to be okay with a brisk walking pace as anything is better than snacking on the sofa!
October 9 . 2013
Today marks the start of week 7 with only 33 weeks to go!
This week I am told I am carrying a blueberry….how crazy to think?!
This week I will spend a few days alone as the husband goes on a 4 day business trip. I am assuming I may be a bit lazy those days or I could be really productive with housework?! Lets see which way I go.
I will spend a fun Saturday evening with friends trying a new restaurant after a great church service at HPUMC! Looking forward to a fun night out but disappointed I will have to say NO to the wine. Like thats not going to look suspicious?!
Today, I just read “Nothing you face will be too much for you. You will overcome every obstacle, outlast every challenge, and come through every difficulty better off than you were before.” Those are such strong words of wisdom holding so much truth.
November 9 . 2013
Another month has passed after 3 trips to see the doctor, 2 sonograms, and lots of blood drawn. I feel great for 2 weeks and then I have a day where I feel completely worn out. Like today….we went for a 3 mile brisk neighborhood walk and then lounged on the sofa watching Kansas State beat Texas Tech in Lubbock #greatwin #arethecatsback and now I feel like I need a nap. Ha!
So the waiting continues as the first sonogram showed nothing. By the calendar, we should have been 9+weeks along but with Gardner tagging along with me, we were saddened to hear “you may not be pregnant”.
I was told to come back for another sonogram and the waiting continued another 10 days for the next available appointment. On this visit, there was a bit of hope on the screen. Now the doctor tells me she actually sees 2 sacs…..could we really be having twins? The thought of twins would be happiness beyond belief….a lot of work for many years to come but so much joy! However the bad part of the story was she couldn’t hear a heartbeat. So it seems to be a 50/50 chance as it could still be too early and my calendar dates may be behind what has developed, but again…back to the calendar to wait yet another 10 days for the next open appointment. The doctor said that by next Friday, if they don’t hear a heartbeat, we need to move forward with treating the miscarriage. Ugh…I know miscarriages are pretty common but the thought is heart breaking.
Tick . Tock . Tick . Tock ……… the wait for next Friday’s sonogram appointment continues.
The feared words were spoken and we proceeded with the doctor’s recommendation.
We were saddened beyond belief and these days still jump back into my head and I think how far we have come. Having a baby is not easy and I have so many friends that have had to deal with many similar and different experiences of sadness.
I always continued to tell myself to keep the dream alive … if God wanted us to be parents he would indeed see that through at some point and I believe that is true for all my friends that are still dealing with the dream of having a baby!
The next post will be jumping into the current day and time of March 2015!