“On the night you were born,
the moon smiled with such wonder
that the stars peeked in to see you
and the night wind whispered,”

“Life will never be the same,” as Nancy Tillman writes in one of her treasured books. They always bring happy tears to my eyes as I read them. And boy are those words ever so true.

Each day I wake up and pinch myself, as I feel so lucky that God chose me to be his mom. Ever since we first met at 2:17a.m. on July 19, we knew everything was about to change forever.

“Heaven blew every trumpet
and played every horn
on the wonderful, marvelous
night you were born.”

It was from that minute on that I have been blessed to have spent the last 14 weeks at home with Lincoln. This is a quick reflection on those months highlighting some of my favorite moments and photos that I was excited to capture each day.

The first month was a complete blur as we had multiple visitors including a few weeks of family (our parents) and then a few days hosting my best friend from college (expert with 3 kids). Between those visits, we were constantly learning something new each day and trying to be the best new parents we could be. The month was filled with so many emotions — we were constantly excited to see and stare at our son each day, we were tired from the minimal hours of sleep, and completely drained of energy from the repetitive schedule of sleep, eat, poop, repeat! But that didn’t stop the excitement we continued to feel.

In the beginning I felt a bit selfish and was a bit bummed each time I was awakened by the crying, a.k.a. “i am hungry” alert in the middle of the night. I would pick him up and stumble to the nursery chair. I was tired, but knew it was what had to be done. Then I quickly shifted my mindset. I realized how special those times were in the middle of the night because it was our private, quiet time together. It was a necessity for him to get his food and it was the time I sat there smiling and praying for him in the darkness. What I love the most is each time I arrive at the crib, there is Lincoln who instantly stops crying and looks at me with a smile. A smile that gets wider each month and always melts my heart and makes the loss of sleep and the crying episodes seem so minor.

After the 1st month, we became wiser, more educated and continued to carry on the routine that he had quickly set on his own and our life revolved around his 3 hour feeding increments. We didn’t let that keep us locked up at home though, as it was such a relief and fun to get out as a family or with friends. We would feed him at home, try to get out the door so we could have a long stretch before the next feeding. But even then, we would take a bottle just incase. He was nothing short of an allstar trooper. He instantly loved his carseat, stroller and would nap the entire time we were out shopping, strolling, neighborhood walks, eating out, etc. And for that we feel blessed as he made it easy for us to get out to explore.
I felt relieved knowing I had 2 more months and then quickly the time started to fly by faster than I ever imagined. How can a day go by so fast when you are caring for a little one that just sleeps, eats, poops, plays, repeat? It seems like there would be time to be productive with laundry, cleaning, reading, etc. As time went along I realized on most weekdays, that wasn’t the case. Then I finally told myself, it wasn’t about being productive and multitasking as I was always accustomed to. This time was about Lincoln and enjoying every minute with him. Rather it was the constant care or the time of playing and looking at books. It has been incredible to watch him grow and explore things on his own.

The next few months included several more weekend visitors flying in to meet Lincoln and friends stopping by. Lincoln has loved seeing all the people and we again feel blessed for all the love we have received from our family and friends. It means alot and has been very much appreciated. To those that may be reading this that have sent gifts, please excuse my delay in getting you a much deserved thank you. I know who you are and you will get them in the mail soon! Please forgive me but most of the time, I don’t have a free hand as often as I had thought I would.

I feel like we are finally in a good groove with a nice routine that works and BOOM…the months at home have come to an end. I am saddened knowing I won’t get to be with you each day like I have been since you came home from the hospital.

While we are apart during the day,
I will miss your contagious smile that I am lucky to see a 100 times a day,
I will miss our routine,
I will miss playing and reading,
I will miss listening to your hiccuppy cry,
I will miss your soft snore,
I will miss your snuggles,
I will miss singing and dancing,
I will miss giving you a 100 kisses,
I will miss you!

I still ask myself, how could one little person change me into what I think is a better person. A person that has a bigger heart than I did 14 weeks ago and even a year ago when we first found out that we were pregnant.

We knew this day would come, so we have to let go and watch you explore. We are excited to see all you learn and do at your preschool. We know you will grow quickly, so the time we are together at home will be ever so cherished.

And I hope you will one day know:

“I wanted you more
than you ever will know,
so I sent love to follow
wherever you go.”

“And if someday you’re lonely,
or someday you’re sad,
or you strike out at baseball or think you’ve been bad…
just lift up your face, feel the wind in your hair.
That’s me, my sweet baby, my love is right there.”

“My love is so high,
and so wide and so deep,
it’s always right there,
even when you’re asleep.”